We read so much about the disadvantages in life that parents divorcing can cause children. Study after study tend to prove this to be true. I have yet to see a study that factors in how the parents handle divorce impacting long-term effects of divorce on their children.
A child consistently witnessing the faith of one praying parent will have lifetime effects on their children. If they see an abandoned mom or dad not falling apart, but trusting God to meet impossible needs, they will grow up knowing they have a God who answers prayers against the odds. If they grow up not hearing an absent parent criticized, they will not grown up to be a critical person.
Even when you or I cannot change the circumstances, we have full control over how we handle those circumstances. A current event in our family's life illustrates this.
Our three year old granddaughter, Ashley, has been in the hospital for a few days following abdominal surgery. Ashley has seen more physicians in the past year than most kids see before they are adults. Yet, because of the way her parents handle things, everyone comments on Ashley being a super pediatric patient.
During her hospitalization, Ashley's mother stayed with her, even sleeping in the room at night. Charlyne was there every day, so that Ashley was never alone. Even though Ashley had much pain and was quite sick following her surgery, her complaints were minimal.
Ashley's roommate broke everyone's heart. She also had undergone surgery. She also was in pain, but for some reason, no one was with her. That child had to endure her pain alone. The nursing staff was overly attentive, but no one can replace a parent.
Ashley was discharged last evening. This morning she told her mother she needed to talk to Grandpa. Ashley had to tell me about a "sleep over" she was going to have. When I asked where her sleep over was going to be, she replied "At the hospital."
To a three year old, the hospital was the perfect place for a sleep over. They had a big play room and there were always snacks around. Her family was always close by.
If Ashley were told she had to go back to the hospital, she would be ready to go. If her little room mate were told of another hospitalization, I suspect she would be fearful of the isolation once again.
No one likes to see a child go through hospitalization, but Ashley is proof that it can be managed. No one likes to see a child go through the divorce of parents, but if only one parents will look to God for their guidance and direction in every area of life, the trauma of divorce can also be managed, for the sake of the children.
