Bob responds:
"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." James 1:6-7
At some time or another, all of us have had to write a resignation letter. People resign from jobs. People resign from church committees. Even presidents and pastors find themselves writing resignation letters. Some resignation letters are many pages long and others are only two words in length; "I quit." Regardless of the length or the wording, someone is saying they no longer desire to do the job they were hired to do. Some people even resign from doing what God has called them to do.
Why do people resign? In most cases, it is because something has changed in their assignment. The job has become a disappointment. They feel cheated out of money, job satisfaction, recognition, advancement, or some other area. Other people resign to take new positions. It is amazing how an individual can resign to accept a new job with double the pay and half the hours, but before long, many of that group are wishing for their old job back.
A few people resign to do the will of God. Charlyne resigned after 25 years with the same doctors to enter into full-time ministry. Executives and janitors have both written resignation letters, after much prayer and soul searching, in order to be able to carry out the work of God. For my wife and for all of this group, a resignation letter is something positive. It is allowing that individual to better carry out the revealed will of God for their life.
Have you ever resigned from a job? Think about your resignation letter? Was it thanking the organization for their part in your employment? Did it take a final slam at those around you?
My wife and I desire for each stander God entrusts to work with us to always be growing upward, to be more like Christ. I sense in my spirit that some standers need to be making apologies for the way they have left their jobs.
God has called you to do a job for Him. It is known as standing for the salvation of a prodigal mate. The hours are long and you may have little contact with others. The compensation may be small, but the true rewards are eternal. This work of standing can affect generations to come. It can mean success or failure in life for your children. The continuing education benefits are endless, as God reveals more of Himself to you.
Opportunity for promotion is promised, as you grow as a Christian to become more like Jesus Christ. God promises that He will provide everything you need for this job of standing, if you will only follow His Manual, the Bible. It is critical to this job of standing that you maintain daily contact with God through prayer.You will be a representative of the largest, most powerful group of people to have ever lived, namely the church, so much will be expected of you in matters of behavior, dress, and attitude.
Why would anyone ever write a letter of resignation for the God-called work of standing for a prodigal spouse? We do not know, but we receive them weekly. Someone feels that God has not done what He promised, so they fire off an email to a marriage ministry, declaring how they are giving up on standing for marriage restoration.
We have never understood why these resignations come to us. After all, we are only the assistants, carrying out the tasks that God has directed us to do. They do not resign from us; they resign from God. I wonder if they have told God what they tell us in their resignation letter. Most of them use many of the same phrases:
"This is too hard!" - What is too hard? Living the Christian life and obeying the Bible, praying for a prodigal spouse to repent (turn) and to come to a personal relationship with Jesus?
"I am hurting too much." - How will giving up on God make you feel one degree better?
"Everyone says I should..." - Why are you listening to everyone? You should be listening to God. What is He saying to you?
"How do I know that...?" - Has God made you any promises?
"I deserve to be happy." - You certainly do! That is exactly why God is at work, moving mountains that you cannot see so that your marriage can be restored.
"I deserve someone better." - Yes you do. That is why God is changing your spouse (and you) day by day, in every way.
"I...; I...; I..." - The number one trademark of every stander's resignation letter we receive is the excessive use of the personal pronoun, "I". What about Him? Is your happiness more important than your family's holiness? Which will matter two generations from now?
"I have to move on." - Will you be moving on toward God, or away from Him? Come on, let's be honest. It is highly unlikely that your resigning from standing will cause you to be more like Jesus one year from now.
"I met someone." - Have you met my Jesus, who heals marriages and changes hearts? Have you encountered what His Word says about marriage and divorce? ("What His Word says" is not what someone is telling you the Word says, but what you have discovered in your time alone with God.)
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
Charlyne and I have been involved in ministry to abandoned spouses for over 15 years. Based on our observations, may we give you a composite of the people who send us resignation letters? In two or three years, when they anticipated being so happy, they are miserable. Many even take up their stand once again, but with baggage from their detour. Some have entered into another relationship, even when knowing the truth about remarriage.
Right now, eight people come to my mind. They were each once prodigals, but are now standers. What happened? The mate standing for them resigned, and after the prodigal "Came to their senses," there was no one to come home to. Your circumstances right now are nothing compared to the years of the Enemy's destruction that always seem to follow a stander's resignation letter.
When you resign from standing, you are openly announcing to Satan that you feel God has no power. What will follow will be attack after attack upon you, your spouse and your family. If you stop praying for your prodigal mate, who will? How will they ever come to Christ? There is far more at stake here than your present happiness.
My first resignation letter was written when I was eighteen years old. I was quitting my job with a large chain of funeral homes. Like many standers, I envisioned something better, so I was giving up.
On the day the owner of the funeral homes read my resignation letter, he took me to the ambulance dorm and sat down on the bed across from me. Looking me straight in the eye, he said, "Bob, I want to talk to you like a son." He did not attempt to persuade me to stay, but laid out some facts that I was overlooking. In half an hour, my resignation letter was torn up.
That event was 41 years ago this summer, and I will never forget that man's words. To think that someone that important had a personal interest in my long-term best and my success touched me.
Is that where you are today? Have you started your resignation letter from standing a few times? If so, I pray that you will allow God to look at you and to say, "I want to talk to you like my child." It is my sincere prayer that you will realize that God is on your side, and that you will tear up that letter.
Now, let's get back to the work of standing! Charlyne and I are here and ready to carry our share of the load if you will be faithful to the work God has called you to do.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12
Hang in there.
These answers have developed in response to questions we have received over many years. May you consult the answers with an open Bible and an open heart, thus allowing God's Holy Spirit to help you find the truth.
To order Books and Tapes go to:
http://www.stopdivorce.org
Close Answer
Buy Looking Back 25 Years
