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Tuesday, November 7, 2017
Today’s message is from Bob who was a prodigal who returned home and was remarried to me for an additional 23 years before the Lord took him home to Heaven. Bob wrote 19 books from the prodigal’s perspective for more than two decades after our divorce and remarriage. – Charlyne

SHOULD I CONTACT MY SPOUSE?
 
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” declares the Lord.  Isaiah 55:8
 
Last week we had an email from a female stander who explained how she was being tempted to call her absent husband, and that she was “weakening” in resisting calling him. The stander explained how she had been told that if she contacted him, she was interfering with God, and if it was really God’s work, her husband would come to her.
 
To set the stage for what happened to her, we need to share part of our reply to her email:
 
“Charlyne and I understand that a few people (the minority) say that standers should not originate contact with their spouse. There is a huge difference between manipulating, hounding or begging a prodigal mate (which should not be done) and following the leading of the Holy Spirit and being sensitive to how He wants to use you to touch your spouse. That is allowing God to work on a spouse.
 
“When we were divorced, Charlyne would call me with family news, or other things she knew I would want to know. She also sent me cards for birthdays and special occasions, and these always arrived at exactly the right (or wrong) time.” There is much more about this written in
“The Prodigal’s Perspective.
 
Several days passed and then we received this beautiful message, which we are sharing today with that stander’s permission:
 
“I prayed and prayed and then contacted you about prayer and understanding if I was hearing God’s voice or my own. You had a simple response, why not contact him if God is telling you so. I didn’t think God would tell me to call. I thought from listening to friends that God wouldn’t have me contact him, but the other way around if it was coming from God. In other words, stay out of it. So for days I prayed and prayed to only do God’s will, and asked Him to close all opportunities if it wasn’t time or God’s will.
 
“I picked up the phone and called my husband. He was very happy to hear from me and immediately asked if he could come over in the evening. We had a wonderful evening together. He seemed to enjoy talking to me, so different from past episodes. He kept hanging around and didn’t want to leave, and kept finding excuses to stay. He finally said he loved me and missed me sincerely, not forced or out of guilt. When he left this morning, he just said bye. I accepted it and didn’t panic and pressure him. I just hugged him and said bye.
 
“I wanted to tell you how thankful I am God led me to your site. It has saved my life and helped me persevere, because everyone in my life tells me to move on and that my husband is not worth it. But my heart won’t hear of it. At the beginning God told me ‘to hang on, that it would be the most painful experience, but to hang on.’ I have learned total humility and patience.
 
“My husband is in shock that I’m still waiting after all he has done to try and make me hate him. He has tried his hardest. I want to give God all the praise and glory because I really am starting to see prayers answered when I was at the point of giving up completely. I have some strong Christian friends who have tried to convince me God doesn’t want us to suffer and be mistreated and to go ahead and divorce. I hope your ministry helps thousands more in standing and never giving up.” (State Omitted)
 
Amen and amen! No one knows God’s time, but there is one more marriage on the way to restoration, all because a prodigal spouse heard that he was still loved and wanted. How did it all start? By a wounded stander listening to God and picking up the phone and calling the man she loves and is standing and praying for.
 
Someone is going to pick up on the comment, “When he left this morning…” and question why she allowed her husband to spend the night. Because he is her husband. Prodigals get mixed signals when standers are wearing wedding rings, and referring to themselves as “Mrs.” but yet the door home is either closed or opened with stipulations. (If this is an area of concern for you, find more help on our
“Sex and The Stander” CD.
 

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.  Genesis 2:24
 
Please consider this; God has no hands except for ours. He has left His Holy Spirit to guide and direct us. As my email quoted above states, it is wrong to beg or harass a prodigal mate, but it is just as wrong to disobey the Holy Spirit when He wants to use the stander to initiate unconditional love toward an absent mate. (Read
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and 1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
 

Love never fails.  1 Corinthians 13:8
 
The way that your prodigal mate will come (or come back) to Christ, and then home to you, is for them to see Christ in you. Contacting a prodigal spouse to encourage them, when a stander is led by the Holy Spirit to do so, is one way that we can be Christ-like to our beloved. In this New Testament age, the Bible simply does not teach that God withholds Himself from us, His children, so that we will “miss” Him. That is the reasoning and scheming of man, not of our Lord God.
 
We each need to learn how to know when the Holy Spirit is beckoning, and when our own plans and desires get in the way. When an individual knows that God is directing them toward a specific action, woe be to the person who attempts to thwart those plans.
 
As this stander expressed so well in her email, we know when the Holy Spirit of God is moving us to action; to becoming His hands and arms. If the Lord Jesus directs you toward a specific action for your prodigal spouse, we pray that you will always be obedient. When God says “Go,” do not let people tell you “No.”
 

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”  John 10:27
 
Let us add that there are so many standers who do not know where their spouse is, or their spouse has forbidden contact. If that is your situation, start praying specifically that the Holy Spirit will soften your spouse’s heart, moving and changing your particular circumstances, suddenly and now.
Because He lives,

Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.

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