“They Will Get Over It”


“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
Charlyne had gone to meet two visiting female standers for dinner before Bible Study. I was home alone when our oldest son, Tim, and his family came by. While Tim corrected a television problem for us, his five-year old daughter, Ali, observed.

“Daddy can we stop and see Uncle Tom on the way home,” she inquired.

“Yes,” Tim replied.

“The wedding is soon, isn’t it Daddy?” Tom, our youngest son, was about to be married and Ali was excited about being in his wedding. The import of curious Ali’s next question did not hit me until I was alone driving to Bible Study.

“Daddy, after Uncle Tom gets married will he still be my Uncle?” Ali asked. Can you imagine! A five year old thought that her relationship with her favorite uncle might be lost because of a marriage.

“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” Proverbs 17:6

If a child’s mind can conjure up such a question, what must our children be thinking when one parent walks out of the home? Perhaps we do not hear that question too often because our youngsters answer it for themselves; “If my Mommy or Daddy left to be Mommy or Daddy to someone else, they are no longer mine.”

It does not matter what rhetoric we hear, nor what words some intellect may pen to the contrary, our children are being destroyed by divorcing parents. The greatest terrorist attack that we need to fear is the terror of divorce. We, as a society, are allowing those horrible strikes on 50% of families, day after day after day, and we are doing so little about it.

The damage from divorce on the hearts and minds of our children starts immediately, and may last a lifetime. Charlyne and I get angry at hearing about teen-agers who must be sent away because they are out of control. It makes us mad to hear of an elementary child whom a teacher has written off because of behavior problems that started after parent’s divorce. We hurt when we talk with adults who cannot keep their own marriages together, because neither husband nor wife had parents who could avoid divorce.

My prodigal friend, may I ask you a question? Why are you more concerned about your kicks than your kids? When did your anatomy become more important that your adolescent? Why are you cultivating sin instead of a son? When did a little thrill become more important that a little girl? Good times have replaced God’s times. Booze has replaced the Bible. Pornography has replaced prayer. Our goal has become happiness, not holiness.

But don’t worry, because the “experts” have told us that those we should love the most will get over the child abuse of divorce. NO! They will not! Precious children are being damaged for life by the selfish acts of parents, taken captive by the enemy, and listening to the world’s advice.

“He will turn the hearts of the father to their children, and the hearts of the children to their faithers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” Malachi 4:6

I wish it were possible for the experts to leave their glass towers for a day and come help my wife and I answer our mail. What do we say to the parent who must sell their family home, the place of security for their kids, because the breadwinner is taking his bread somewhere sinful? How do we respond to a man whose thirteen year old daughter has become sexually promiscuous, just like her mother? What do we tell the caller when the police, not the parents, have become involved in the discipline of a hurting kid? What can we do for the parent of a toddler who goes to sleep night after night sobbing the name of a missing mommy or daddy?

“But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. “Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.” Matthew 18:6-9

Your children will never “get over” the spiritual side of divorce, if you do things the wrong way. If you turn to the Lord, fully trusting Him for your every need, and praising Him for miracles, big and small, your children will come to know a Heavenly Father whom they can trust. From there, they can come into a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

If you are one of those who broadcasts to anyone who will listen about how God has failed you, and how mad you are at Him, your children will see a God who can’t, and that is not true. If you don’t pray, you children will not pray. If you don’t trust God, the little sponges we call kids will soak up your bitterness and anger at the Lord. Why would they want to enter into a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ after hearing over and over how He failed you?

Do children “get over” that painful parental amputation that we call divorce? Not from where we sit. May you today renew your stand with our Lord God for the restoration of your family. If you will provide your children with a daily example of your sold-out living for the Lord, now that, they will never “get over!” Praise His name!

Bob (and Charlyne) Steinkamp

PS: Although we ask that it not be done, some wounded spouse will probably forward this message on to their mate who has left the home. If that is you, please allow me to add a word.

I left my wife and our three children for the very things I have written about here. There was evidence of damage being done in each of their lives that Charlyne and I do not share publically. I could not see beyond what “I” wanted.

There came a day when the Lord told me to go home. While I was gone (over two years), the Lord had been changing my wife. I went to her office and asked her to marry me all over again. Somehow, God worked out all the details. That was sixteen years ago.

If you are witnessing a different person in your mate, the Lord might have the one you love ready for a homecoming! If you are sensing something in your spirit (I could not put Charlyne out of my mind), go for it and go home today! The first stop on the way needs to be on your knees, asking God to forgive you for what you have done. He will work out every obstacle that you are considering right now. Hey, just wait until your kids hear that you are home! Be sure and email me so I can be praying for you by name. Thanks for taking time to read this message.